We are so blessed to serve a sovereign God. I was telling Peter the other night how hopeless I would feel if He were not the God we know He is-- in control of all things, with nothing happening outside of His perfect plan. I find so much peace when I am reminded that nothing that happened was outside of His plan.
There is peace, but the tears have not stopped. I cry a lot. As the physical pain has subsided, I have had enough strength to really ponder what happened, what we have lost. I have had the strength to recognize the true excitement and delight that I was feeling for how our life was changing.
Since before we got married I have been looking for a position to nanny. Several opportunities opened up, but fell through for various reasons. Then I got pregnant. I remember thinking, Oh, this is why I couldn't get a job! And then Peter decided he wanted to go back to school. I was so thrilled to have a husband desirous of pursuing further education, I was ecstatic to finally be called a stay-at-home mom, and to be at home with our own child. Children.
Really, it was what I had always wanted.
"The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9
-Proverbs 16:9
Being married for 7 months has taught me a lot. I've learned that a lot of the plans and hopes I had last year were silly dreams that reflected little of reality. I've seen the utter truth in Proverbs 16:9. I've seen things the Lord establishing my steps, according to His way and not my own. I've realized that to wish that things would have happened differently, to wish that I could change what happened would make things worse in reality, because I cannot even see the grander scheme of things.
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Peter and I have been through a lot in 7 months. And it all started noticeably the morning after our wedding. I was sick. Sick sick. Who dreams of going on a honeymoon sick? Strike 1. In February we got a puppy. Yep, Loxley. he's been a handful, to say the least. Fortunately Peter loves him unconditionally, or I might have put him up for adoption long ago. He's a great dog, but needs more space than Cleveland Heights has to offer, therefore he gets on my nerves one too many times a day (though I really do love him, and giving him away would have clearly been a mistake. He's sleeping right beside me as I type. Such a doll). I got pregnant in May and Peter broke his collarbone in a dirtbike accident in June (...the day before my sister's wedding). Early July Peter had a plate and 6 screws put in his shoulder to reconnect the broken clavicle. Late July I miscarried. The night I miscarried the dog ran out the front door to investigate the smelly creature in our front yard. Yeah, a skunk. (Okay, that's not really a huge thing, but that night it seemed so).
7 months ago, I did not know I was signing up for all of this. But I wouldn't have it any other way. We've been through a lot. Atleast I think it's a lot, especially for being married less than a year. A lot of people told me the first year of marriage is one of the hardest. Now I know.
But I truly believe this stuff either makes or breaks you.
It's making us. We're learning to take care of one another. To truly weep with each other. To laugh at the little things in life, and to take things as they come. We're learning to have a vision for the future but to also just do the next thing next. I'm learning to love our crazy puppy. We're finding contentment in God's will for our life together. And, praise Him, we're falling in love more and more every day.
-A.H.
________________________________________________________________________
Peter and I have been through a lot in 7 months. And it all started noticeably the morning after our wedding. I was sick. Sick sick. Who dreams of going on a honeymoon sick? Strike 1. In February we got a puppy. Yep, Loxley. he's been a handful, to say the least. Fortunately Peter loves him unconditionally, or I might have put him up for adoption long ago. He's a great dog, but needs more space than Cleveland Heights has to offer, therefore he gets on my nerves one too many times a day (though I really do love him, and giving him away would have clearly been a mistake. He's sleeping right beside me as I type. Such a doll). I got pregnant in May and Peter broke his collarbone in a dirtbike accident in June (...the day before my sister's wedding). Early July Peter had a plate and 6 screws put in his shoulder to reconnect the broken clavicle. Late July I miscarried. The night I miscarried the dog ran out the front door to investigate the smelly creature in our front yard. Yeah, a skunk. (Okay, that's not really a huge thing, but that night it seemed so).
7 months ago, I did not know I was signing up for all of this. But I wouldn't have it any other way. We've been through a lot. Atleast I think it's a lot, especially for being married less than a year. A lot of people told me the first year of marriage is one of the hardest. Now I know.
But I truly believe this stuff either makes or breaks you.
It's making us. We're learning to take care of one another. To truly weep with each other. To laugh at the little things in life, and to take things as they come. We're learning to have a vision for the future but to also just do the next thing next. I'm learning to love our crazy puppy. We're finding contentment in God's will for our life together. And, praise Him, we're falling in love more and more every day.
-A.H.
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