A letter to my boys.

To my little sons, Hugh & Leif,


Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Sometimes I cry for you, or Daddy will rub my belly and it makes me think of you two and how he loved to rest his hand on my stomach and pray for you. That was when we thought there was only one baby (at least Daddy did. I knew all along there was two of you!). When we found out I had been carrying two babies-- that was the saddest day of our life-- the day you little ones were born and died. I gasped and pulled your daddy closer so he could see and confirm what I knew I was seeing.

You were so beautiful-- I couldn't believe you weren't even 11 weeks old and we could see your fingers and toes! Features on your faces were even beginning to form! We don't know why your heads were connected-- not even our midwife knew-- but you were such a sight! I cried and cried; You really were divinely created, knit together in your mother's womb. I thought about the doctors that take life and the mothers who willingly give it. They claim it is not alive. How could you not have been life?

Can you believe it has been over 4 months and I still cry and cry for you? That is longer than I carried you, but it is just how much I love you--enough to think of you both every day. Other babies don't make me wish for another chance just yet. I cry for you boys, not another. Other babies make me think of you two all the more. They remind me of what my belly might have looked like now, and how in a couple of months we would have been anticipating your great arrivals into this world.

I get sad thinking about what we've "lost", but I know we really haven't "lost" anything, but in the world's sense. I know Daddy would have loved to teach you how to play baseball and hunt. He would have showed you the newest, fastest car, and how to replace the parts in his.

But we know you're in a better place. We know Jesus used us as a means of getting you two to His arms, and that is a blessing. I really believe we'll all meet someday soon. We'll have new bodies, perfect bodies. And there will be no more tears. That'll be the day.


All the love in the world,
Your Mommy