Reflecting, etc.

It's rather difficult-- blogging with the not-so-distant sound of Carrie Underwood singing downstairs. I think before any thoughts begin flowing I'll need to run down and turn her off. But, the creaking stairs would wake-up the dog who's sleeping soudly just outside the room I'm in, and he'll surely follow me all the way down to the kitchen...

I'm half-disappointed in myself for not going to yoga class this morning. I'm not interested in the meditation, inner-reflection stuff, but the physical activity. I'll have to force myself to go next week. So, since I was feeling so bad about not going I took Loxley for a long walk ("long"= 1 mile max.). Well, it was long to him-- he could barely walk another block. Tsk, that heat.

Monday night is garbage night around here. It's amazing to see what the neighbors are pitching! Anything not quite trash-worthy, or anything that can be restored-- I'm on it! This week we found a sweet bench (I've been wanting one for the bathroom-- we have this long, awkward wall that needs something long but narrow to fill it. Perfect!) that will need painted AND a pretty blue table. It's got a broken leg, but the leg was with it and Peter's sure he can screw it back on. I'm so excited about our new finds-- I'll post pictures soon!

Friday night I got an awful haircut. Ok, so it's not awful. I only hate it when I'm trying to style it. And when we're going out. Or having people over. You get the picture. I have an appointment Sunday afternoon (yeah, the Sabbath) to get it "fixed". Problem is, I don't know how it should be "fixed". Would this be cute on me? http://www.hairstyleschat.com/images/cute-short-hair.jpg I'm a little afraid I don't have the face shape for it, though I like the idea a lot... And, I actually really like this, http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0/164/d/AAAAAjUtkyIAAAAAAWTaDg.jpgbut I think her face is what makes me like it so much. She has such a severe jaw line. I love it. But I don't have that. Comment! Let me know what you think.

I've been convicted lately about contentment. Or discontentment. A couple weeks ago I sat down and thought over my life and all the changes that have occurred and the many blessings I've received, especially over the past 3-4 years.
In 2007 I met Peter. The minute I saw him, I knew he was the one. Sounds cheesy, cliche, I know. But really, I knew that I had to have him. So, late in 2008 we were "official", going-out, in-love. All that jazz. But just as quickly as I had wished away my single years, I found myself longing to be engaged. After all, the wedding was practically planned! I remember thinking, I know he's the one. What's the point of this?
So, in May of 2009 Peter proposed. Yes, it was perfectly romantic-- tossing pebbles at my window, climbing a ladder, crawling through the window, his shaky voice, my tear-filled eyes, laughter, kisses. It was a dream. But then, how much longer can we possibly wait? 7 months seemed like 7 years! I remember begging, crying, for him to make the hour-long drive to my house every night after work, just so we could be together. Engagement was hell. Ok, so the first couple weeks, maybe month, were fun. Everyone was excited, I loved telling people all the juicy, giggly details, showing them my heirloom diamonds, etc, etc... But oh! we just wanted to get married!
Then the wedding day finally came. I remember standing at the top of the aisle beside my dad, waiting for the piano to play that measure signaling me to take my first steps towards my Groom. Did we wait too long? It feels like it's been forever. Did we miss the downbeat? I think we missed it. Oh crap. Do I look as shaky as I feel? ...And then, it was all over. The hymns, the vows, the kiss, the cake. Pictures, champagne, sparklers. Done.
In just 3 days we'll be on that plane, I thought. I can't wait! We flew to Mexico, the honeymoon that had been dreamed of and planned for months, came home and, wow. If that wasn't reality hitting, I don't know what was!
I quickly began to wish we had a baby. Every morning, every night-- baby, baby, baby. I wasn't necessarily wishing away our newly-wed life. Or, I didn't think I was. But really, I was. I was discontent. Impatient. Just like I had been about every other season the Lord placed in front of me.
I spent so much time dwelling on the future and what was to come, or what I hoped was to come, that I caught myself rushing through where the Lord had me.
It's almost like I hadn't taken the time to stop and smell the flowers. And sadly, I hadn't realized I'd missed out on the beatiful scents until Fall hit, and then the petals fell. I have no regrets. I am not saddened when I look back at those years. In fact, I'm grateful for those years. I'm so thankful for what I've learned now, and for what I've been blessed with. And fortunately, Summer does come back around. So, don't forget to slow down. Breathe in. And enjoy the flowers.

-A.H.